The Burning Pen

A Looping of the Scales by Ruth Solomon

The story content is adult in nature and can contain graphic sex and violence.  Those under the age of 18 are asked to leave this site immediately.  You are not welcome here.  The author is not responsible for those under-aged who view these works.

CHAPTER 17

All recognizable characters belong to JKR. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 17 ~ The Bottom Line

Everyone in the Great Hall listened carefully to the Headmistress who explained the former professor Snape was technically demoted. He was no longer a teacher, but he wasn’t a student either. He was still a Slytherin, but not of Slytherin house so couldn’t contribute to winning the House Cup. He would retain his private quarters until the end of term. Wow, an eighteen year old wizard with his own suite of rooms. How cool was that? One could sense the wave of envy that washed over the older students.

“Due to his loss of memory, Mr. Snape will be taking his NEWTS along with the seventh years at the end of term. Although he is no longer a teacher, I expect you to treat him with the respect and regard you show each other,” Minerva told them.

Draco snorted. He’d treat Snape precisely how he treated others. No better or no worse.

Hermione listened attentively, Ron’s blue eyes resting on her. He needed to talk to her before Saturday. A sullen Lavender sat at the end of the table, brooding because both Ron and Ginny had told her to back off.

Presently, the Headmistress sat down and breakfast resumed. Ron filled his plate slowly, looking across the table at Hermione. Harry nudged him with his elbow.

”Hermione, I want to talk to you,” Ron ventured.

”Oh, do you?” Hermione said, not looking at him as she took a bite of her toast.

”Yes. It can’t wait until Saturday,” he told her. “I want to talk to you before this gets any worse.”

”Why don’t you talk to Lavender? You were having a good enough time with her last night,” Hermione said to him, her brown eyes hard. “I’m sure she’d lend a willing ear, along with a willing everything else.”

Harry and Ginny both winced and Ron quickly cast the Muffliato spell.

”Hermione, I was just playing cards with her. Nothing happened,” he told her. “She wanted me to walk her to breakfast this morning, but I told her no, Hermione. I knew what she was doing. I don’t want Lavender. I just want you.”

Hermione stared at Ron for a moment, then her lower lip began to tremble.

”Well, you’ve been acting so—stupid lately, Ron,” she said to him.

Both of Ron’s eyebrows rose. He wasn’t acting stupid, he was acting jealous. That wasn’t necessarily the same thing, no matter how close. But, he wasn’t going to argue with her about that.

”I just miss you, Hermione. I want more time with you—I can’t help that, and maybe I did get a little ‘stupid’ when you made time for Snape. But, really I do understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. It’s that soft heart of yours. I just wish it was a little softer towards me.”

”Oh, Ron. I told you, after graduation it’s going to be different,” she said. “The NEWTS will be over and I’ll have time for you. All you’ll want.”

Ron stared at her.

”Hermione, what are you going to after you graduate? What kind of job are you going to go for?”

Hermione looked excited.

”Well, I was going to see if I could have at least two careers. One in Magical Law Legislation, and the other in Charms Research. Possibly I might take up a third career as well. I’m not sure yet, but there are so many exciting options,” she said breathlessly.

Ron’s heart dropped at her answer.

”I see. And where do I fit in your careers?”

”What are you talking about, Ron?”

”If you’re going to be doing all of this work, Hermione, it’s going to be just like it is now, with you too busy meeting deadlines to have time for me,” Ron said, frowning at her. “I’m not going to spend the rest of my life playing second fiddle to your ambitions, Hermione. They don’t stop. They just seem to get bigger and bigger. It’s like the more you accomplish, the more you want. It’s like you don’t care about anything else. Not anyone else.”

”How can you say that? Of course I care about other people. You and Harry, Ginny, other students. I do my best to be helpful, to make sure all of you are on top of things. I even schedule special time to devote to it.”

”I don’t mean that way, Hermione. That’s just more learning and studying, and you like teaching others and showing off what you know. That’s not the kind of care I mean. I’m talking about genuinely caring about how another person feels. You only care about how you feel. I want to—to have something more with you when we leave school. But the way you’re planning things, I can’t see it happening.”

”Ron, I’m not going to do it all right away. It will be a few months at least, while I look for the best job opportunities—“

Ron looked very unhappy.

”Ron, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t care about you,” Hermione said to him.

”Just think about how often you really are with me, Hermione. Then, tell me that again,” he said softly. “It’s one thing to have to step aside for the exams, but it’s a completely different story to have to step aside for the rest of my life because you need to be the best at everything.”

”That’s not why, Ron. I just like to challenge myself, to excel. That’s all. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. Plus, it insures I’ll have my choice of fields to work in. There’s nothing wrong with planning ahead—with having a goal.”

“Having a goal means reaching something then stopping. You don’t ever plan on stopping Hermione. You’re only goal is to keep going, keep reaching. There’s no end to it.”

”That’s not true, there’s an end to it, Ron.”

”Yeah, when you’re dead, probably,” Ron said, shaking his head.

The Great Hall was starting to clear out and Hermione had to get to class.

”Ron, we can talk about this more on Saturday,” she said to him softly. “You don’t have the right of it at all.”

”I really hope I don’t, Hermione—because if I do—“

Ron didn’t finish the sentence, but removed the Muffliato spell and watched as Hermione stood up and hoisted her stuffed knapsack over her shoulder.

”You really don’t, Ron. Now, I have to go.”

Ron nodded and watched as she walked away. He sat at the table until the Great Hall practically cleared out, feeling miserable. He hadn’t meant for all that to come out, but—it just did. And what Hermione had to say wasn’t reassuring at all.

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Hermione left Advanced Transfiguration in a very disturbed mood. She had overheard a Ravenclaw say that she was developing a theory concerning Transfiguration that she was sure was going to boost her marks dramatically. Hermione was upset because she hadn’t yet latched on to anything original enough to present at the NEWTS. As far as she could see through her research, most “original” ideas were simply rehashed, rewritten ones.

Still, she couldn’t be sure if that was the case with the Ravenclaw. She didn’t want to be beat out. As she headed for her next class, she couldn’t help but think about Snape’s library, the wealth of knowledge that was there. There were books that were centuries old, books that contained rudiments of magic that were probably long forgotten. The bare bones, the building blocks of all that came afterwards. If she could get her hands on that knowledge, she might be able to lock on to something fresh and new, something that would make people stand up and take notice.

She could access that knowledge if she agreed to Snape’s offer. It was a wonderful opportunity and an exclusive one. No one else at the school would have such a powerful study resource. Just her. Well, and Snape, but he wasn’t taking as many NEWTS as she was, so that wasn’t an issue. The real issue was that she needed to come up with at least one original idea or theory, although she’d like to have several for the exams. Eleven, in fact.

Hermione was in a quandary. With Ron exhibiting the feelings he was, he probably wouldn’t take her studying with Snape well. She could explain why she wanted to do it, but she wasn’t sure he could accept it. Was she really being that selfish? She didn’t think so, since she’d been this way since she first started Hogwarts and Ron knew it. Everyone knew it, from staff to students. Why should she change now, particularly at this very important time? If anyone was being selfish, it was Ron.

And her future? What did he expect her to do? It only made sense to want to take advantage of all the open doors that good marks would give her. It was the purpose of getting good marks after all and variety was the spice of life. Plus, she might be able to do something really important for the wizarding world, be known for something other than helping to defeat Voldemort. She could stand out.

Hermione paused for a moment at this thought. Stand out? Was that the real motivation behind all her hard work? To be noticed, to be different? To be seen as someone of real worth?

Yes, it was, but it didn’t quite register with her consciously—the Mudblood onus. The belief that Muggleborns were inherently inferior. It wasn’t touted as much as it once was, but it was still a part of wizarding society. She was considered the exception, an oddity. At least, that’s how it felt at times although she didn’t consciously focus on it. But subconsciously, it affected her, and did so to the point that she felt she had to constantly prove herself, constantly show that despite her origins, she was just as talented, just as capable as anyone else. Even more so. It was shaping up to be a battle that she’d fight for all her days on the planet, despite the fact she really didn’t need to do it. Anyone with eyes or who could pick up a history book knew Hermione Jean Granger was an extraordinary, talented witch.

Too bad this truth never sunk into her own psyche. Hermione’s real problem was that she had a very deep-seated inferiority complex. No matter how much she tutored others, the fact was they were mostly products of a long line of magical beings in whole or at least part, something she could never claim. So, it didn’t matter if they weren’t as bright as she was, they were part of an elite group of people going back generations. She just—was a new arrival.

It was sad she had this innate, subconscious sense of non-belonging. If she were to apply her logic rather than her emotions, she would see that she was more than a Muggleborn. She would see that she was an Original. A throwback to the beginning. A template for all magical humans that followed and the purest blood there was or ever could be. Her magic didn’t come from genetics or traceable bloodlines, but from Creation itself. In her were the powers that made the universe. As a child of the Creator, she reflected those inherited powers directly, like the first witches and wizards to walk the earth.

This was the drive behind all of her studying, all of her focus. Ron could never understand it. He was born a wizard, from wizards. He had nothing he felt he had to prove. But the problem was he chose a witch who felt deep down that she did have something to prove and that simple fact made them basically incompatible as far as what they wanted for the future. Ron wanted a wife, a woman to love who cared about the same things he did. He came from a large loving family, so naturally wanted one. Hermione came from a small family, her parents both dentists with their own businesses, career people. Not that her family wasn’t loving, but there was a balance between home life and professional life. Both of her parents worked, while Ron’s mother was a homemaker and his father the breadwinner. The loaf was thinly cut, but they’d managed to raise a family this way.

Hermione knew there was more to life than being a wife and mother. Not that she was against it, but it wasn’t something she thought about in any great detail. Yes, she did want a family eventually, but after she had made some accomplishments of her own. Being a young mother was most likely out of the question. Maybe later, after she was established. With a two-hundred year lifespan—she had time for that.

Unfortunately, none of this was to the fore. It was something ingrained in her, that she never faced about herself. As such, the potential for heartbreak was strong. She cared for Ron, but there was something inside her that she cared about more. And that was the truth of how it was.

Facing the reality was going to be painful, but necessary.

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A/N: The twins came home today and I didn’t have the time or inclination to write, they’re so darling. But, I got down to it. A few readers were pressing for an explanation as to why Hermione was so driven for knowledge. I wasn’t sure how to approach it, but I did my best. An Inferiority Complex. Even exemplary people suffer from them, and I thought it could be why Hermione worked so hard despite her obvious brilliance. She never seems comfortable with it and is always pushing to learn more and more and show her knowledge in some way. Tutoring probably feeds that need. Again, another transitional chapter, but necessary for the story. It’s clear Hermione and Ron are headed for the outs, but I wanted to show why in a way that doesn’t make Ron a complete idiot. Actually, I think these are the “real” issues why Ron and Hermione wouldn’t make a good couple, despite JKR’s epilogue. Thanks for reading. ***

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